Hellraiser (1987) – Brian McNail
Ladies and Gentlemen, Cenobites of all ages this is Hellraiser.
Our movie opens in a Middle Eastern cantina where a transaction for a golden cube takes place. One cut scene later and we see the purchaser opening the box surrounded by candles. After a few moments of fiddling with the box strange blue lights flicker from the box causing chains and hooks to appear out of no where that pierce the guy's flesh. Following this the Cenobites Pin Head and The Female are seen cleaning up the remains of our first victim and restoring the cube to its original state.
We learn that our victim’s name was Frank and that his brother Larry is moving into the family home along with his wife Julia. Larry’s daughter Kirsty calls and the two discuss where Kirsty is going to live. Larry and Julia start the move in process while, Kirsty walks along the harbor area eventually walking to the house (good thing she knew where it was). Julia is upstairs ripping the head off a woman in one of Frank’s photos she found and has a flashback to the first time she met Frank just before her wedding to Larry. Her fantasy is interrupted by Kirsty and she goes walking upstairs to the room Frank was killed in. We are then back in flashback mode where we see Frank and Julia once had an affair on her white wedding dress.
While trying to move furniture upstairs, Larry has his hand ripped open by a nail and goes to find Julia in Frank’s room. All of the blood that is hitting the floor is being absorbed through the cracks. Later Julia hears a noise coming from the room while going to bed and opens the door and finds Frank. Frank explains that Larry’s blood brought him back to life and that he needs Julia’s help. He needs more blood to completely heal. After Julia lies in bed for a while remembering having sex with Frank she goes to the attic and tells Frank she will help him.
The next day Julia goes out to a local singles bar and picks up a stranger and brings him home. The guy is dispatched with a claw hammer to the head and Frank tells Julia to leave the room as she doesn’t need to see what happens next. She enters Frank’s room again and he tells her his nerves are working again and that she must help him with one or two more people before the Cenobites find out he has escaped. Upon the death of the next victim we see that Frank now has lungs and can smoke a cigarette and shows her a golden puzzle box.
He explains to Julia that the Cenobites showed him both pain and pleasure and we see all four of them for the first time together as they tortured Frank. Later on Larry is watching boxing with Julia when they hear a noise up stairs. Larry goes to check on it but Julia tries to stop him from going to Frank’s room by offering sex but he insists on checking it out anyways finding Frank’s room to be empty. Upon the couple going into their bedroom we see Frank walking around watching Larry have his way with Julia from the closet. When Julia sees Frank coming at Larry with a knife she starts to object causing Frank to look on disapprovingly and causing Larry to wonder why his wife is all over him one minute and then doesn’t want to have sex with him the next.
Julia brings another guy into the den of evil and nails him three or four times with the hammer. Kirsty who saw Julia and the guy enter the house, hears the guys screaming and comes running into the house as Frank goes about his business. Kirsty and Frank have a brief fight scene with Frank using one-liners that would make Bruce Campbell proud ending with Kirsty grabbing and throwing the box outside. She flees the house picking up the box eventually passing out on the side of the road.
Kirsty awakens in the hospital wondering how she got there. The doctor tells her that she was holding on to the box and places it on her bedside table and locks her in the hospital room (you can do that to patients?). Being alone locked in a room with a puzzle box, she of course plays with it and figures it out causing it to open. Surprisingly the box doesn’t kill her instantly like it did Frank it only opens the wall, which is covering a long corridor. Kirsty starts walking down the hallway where she is chased by a Cenobite. She runs back down the corridor to her room and starts to put the box back together again when her room begins to morph and everything starts exploding. She then is backed against the wall by the Cenobite Chatterer who holds her while Pinhead explains that she summoned them by opening the box. She tells them to go to hell, but the foursome cannot go alone. She offers Frank in her place; the Cenobites deny this as no one has ever escaped before. Pinhead says if Frank confesses then maybe MAYBE they will not tear her soul apart.
Julia and Frank are having a discussion in the hallway when Larry comes home. She says she has something show him. Meanwhile Kirsty’s boyfriend arrives at the hospital to find her missing. Frank is then seen in Larry’s skin and has sex with Julia. We find out when Kirsty arrives at the house that Frank not only has Larry’s skin but his voice as well. Larry/Frank explains to Kirsty that Julia explained everything and that he killed Frank, Kirsty tells her dad/uncle that she has to see the body. Kirsty sees the steaming bones of her father and is locked in the room with the four Cenobites. Kirsty escapes the room and discovers that Frank is inside her father’s body/skin and tears a large gash out him. Frank kills Julia by mistake but uses her blood to heal and follows Kirsty up the stairs.
Kirsty hides in the room where Julia has been hiding the corpses and sneaks out of the room only to stop and cry at the top of the stairs. Frank exits his room and chases her back into his room. Telling Kirsty that everything is okay she is with her dear ole Uncle Frank now. This confession by his own lips was just what the Cenobites were waiting to hear as they bring out their toy box and tell Kirsty to leave as this is not for her eyes. Frank starts to stab her when one of the chain hooks grabs hold of him followed by twelve more as he gives his final piece of dialog “Jesus Wept” before being pulled apart (would have looked awesome in 3D).
Kirsty goes to leave the house but is stopped by The Female. Kirsty grabs the cube and starts to put it back together as each part sends a Cenobite back to hell in the crappiest of neon light explosions in cinema history and manages to get it mostly back together without any major harm befalling her or her boyfriend who shows up out of nowhere.
Upon making it out of the house it starts to burn to the ground and she throws the cube into a fire pit where the bum from earlier simply steps inside the flames, picks it up and turns into what looks like a gargoyle and apparently delivers it back the cantina in the middle east where it is for sale again bringing us back full circle (and setting up a sequel).
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For the most part Hellraiser is a great film, it is never really slow as a lot of horror movies in the 80s had a tendency to do before starting the final lead/build up to the ending. The score of this movie is awesome and the gore is just what it needed to be. It isn’t over done and in a movie based of torture it could have been overdone very easily. Although I will admit that the repetitive skull bashing with a hammer to three victims was a bit redundant, it could have been changed up for each victim. Not to over analyze but I don’t think Julia’s heart was in it to kill the guys.
The only other problem I had with the film is the run time of 93 minutes is too short for all the detail that Barker wanted to get across. Perhaps in the director’s cut it is spaced out a little bit better I've yet to see that version so I cannot say one way or another. Although I think a little more could have or needed to end up on the cutting room floor. This movie is based off a novel that Clive Barker wrote and then adapted for the movie and I guess he just wanted to make sure it was all in there even the stuff that didn't translate to the final cut of the film very well.
I give Hellraiser a 4 out of 5.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
I am always really hesitant to take movie suggestions from people I do not really know. I’m always scared when someone tells me “this is the greatest movie I’ve ever seen” and I get geared up for a great flick only to find out the person’s second favorite movie is Ishtar. I am also not the biggest fan of mixing genres of movies. I prefer my horror to be either gory or scary and my comedy to be raunchy or clever. So it was great hesitance that I watched Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but I’m glad I did because this movie rocked.
As someone who lives in the south and loves Pabst Blue Ribbon I’m often viewed as a redneck, however if I lived just little bit more north I would be considered a hillbilly and if horror movies have taught us nothing it’s that Rednecks and Hillbillies want to kill you after making you squeal like a pig. It is this stereotype that is the premise of Tucker and Dale vs. Evil: two good ole boys that a group of college kids fear are trying to kill them and end up killing themselves trying to escape.
Our duo of half-wits rescue Allison who upon seeing the guys fishing in the pond while skinny dipping falls onto some rocks and hit her head. When she awakes Dale is trying to bring her some breakfast, but she assumes he means to hurt her. Once she sees that he isn’t going to hurt her, the two start to warm up to one another. The rest of the college friends mistake Tucker and Dale having her in their “summer home” as a form of kidnapping and formulate a plot to rescue their friend.
I should point out that Tucker and Dale are oblivious to the fact that the college kids are scared of them because once the kids come near the cabin a series of misfortunate events will always occur which causes one of the kids to kill themselves. One such example occurs when Tucker is using a chainsaw and cuts through a hornets’ nest inside a log which then makes him run with the chainsaw. The college kids do not see the hornets only Tucker and his chainsaw and run away causing one of the kids to accidently impale himself, later another kid runs at Tucker while he is feeding logs into a wood chipper and trips and falls into the chipper.
Tucker and Dale are convinced that the college kids are part of a suicide pact and want to help Allison. Allison tries to sit down Chad the group leader and Dale. We learn that Chad's mother was attacked by Hillbillies while pregnant with him. Some of the other kids who were separated from the group form a plan to rush the house during the meeting to save Chad and Allison because of all of the dead bodies all over the place.In the end Allison chooses Tucker (who is hurt by an earlier failed capture by Chad and the kids) and Dale over Chad. All of this leads to a final show down between Dale and Chad, not going to ruin the ending for you but it is well worth the watch. All this scene needed was Bruce Campbell and it would have made this a 5 out of 5 movie for me.
Seems to me the directors of this movie have watched just about every stalker/slasher style horror movie ever made and really paid a lot of attention to Evil Dead 2. A lot of the camera shots are similar and when Dale makes his “Hillbilly Nightmare” suit it is pretty much the same scene of Ash making his hand in Army of Darkness. This movie while not exactly “horror” or “independent” is right up my alley. I’ve never been a huge fan of the comedy-horror movies such as Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland but this works mostly because it tries to stay a comedy the whole time with adding some sick gore to it.
The only real problem with the movie was music. The soundtrack to this movie also was very lacking, there just was no real stand out music. If you're going to do a movie with gory deaths or partying kids you've got to at least have some type of music playing. Not saying you have to have a huge soundtrack that causes your movie budget to double or triple but you can at least put something in there.
As someone who lives in the south and loves Pabst Blue Ribbon I’m often viewed as a redneck, however if I lived just little bit more north I would be considered a hillbilly and if horror movies have taught us nothing it’s that Rednecks and Hillbillies want to kill you after making you squeal like a pig. It is this stereotype that is the premise of Tucker and Dale vs. Evil: two good ole boys that a group of college kids fear are trying to kill them and end up killing themselves trying to escape.
Our duo of half-wits rescue Allison who upon seeing the guys fishing in the pond while skinny dipping falls onto some rocks and hit her head. When she awakes Dale is trying to bring her some breakfast, but she assumes he means to hurt her. Once she sees that he isn’t going to hurt her, the two start to warm up to one another. The rest of the college friends mistake Tucker and Dale having her in their “summer home” as a form of kidnapping and formulate a plot to rescue their friend.
I should point out that Tucker and Dale are oblivious to the fact that the college kids are scared of them because once the kids come near the cabin a series of misfortunate events will always occur which causes one of the kids to kill themselves. One such example occurs when Tucker is using a chainsaw and cuts through a hornets’ nest inside a log which then makes him run with the chainsaw. The college kids do not see the hornets only Tucker and his chainsaw and run away causing one of the kids to accidently impale himself, later another kid runs at Tucker while he is feeding logs into a wood chipper and trips and falls into the chipper.
Tucker and Dale are convinced that the college kids are part of a suicide pact and want to help Allison. Allison tries to sit down Chad the group leader and Dale. We learn that Chad's mother was attacked by Hillbillies while pregnant with him. Some of the other kids who were separated from the group form a plan to rush the house during the meeting to save Chad and Allison because of all of the dead bodies all over the place.In the end Allison chooses Tucker (who is hurt by an earlier failed capture by Chad and the kids) and Dale over Chad. All of this leads to a final show down between Dale and Chad, not going to ruin the ending for you but it is well worth the watch. All this scene needed was Bruce Campbell and it would have made this a 5 out of 5 movie for me.
Seems to me the directors of this movie have watched just about every stalker/slasher style horror movie ever made and really paid a lot of attention to Evil Dead 2. A lot of the camera shots are similar and when Dale makes his “Hillbilly Nightmare” suit it is pretty much the same scene of Ash making his hand in Army of Darkness. This movie while not exactly “horror” or “independent” is right up my alley. I’ve never been a huge fan of the comedy-horror movies such as Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland but this works mostly because it tries to stay a comedy the whole time with adding some sick gore to it.
The only real problem with the movie was music. The soundtrack to this movie also was very lacking, there just was no real stand out music. If you're going to do a movie with gory deaths or partying kids you've got to at least have some type of music playing. Not saying you have to have a huge soundtrack that causes your movie budget to double or triple but you can at least put something in there.
11/11/11
After watching Twilight I always know I'm doomed to see a bad movie when the main characters drive a Volvo.
I should point out that this isn’t 11-11-11 which came out on the same day. Yes there are two movies with the same title, with different punctuation marks released on the same day and yes they both suck.The main plot of 11/11/11 focuses on a family that just moved into a new house where everyone in town seems to be very interested in the son who is due to turn eleven years old on 11/11/11.
This movie literally has every cliché possible when it comes to neighbors and main characters. It has the creepy cat lady, a group of people determined to stop anyone from warning the family, the psychotic nanny named Annie who helps the son, burn butterflies, a doped up mother who has visions and father who is only protective when it doesn’t really require him to do anything. It’s a weird flick that you are not really sure whose side anyone is on. The only thing that is for sure for the majority of the flick is the next door neighbor is trying to kill the boy before his eleventh birthday and there is a large group of people who are set against anyone that tries to get in the way.
The son Nat is getting creepier and creepier throughout the movie starting with burning a butterfly (with the aid of his nanny) then every night at 11:11 watching his parents sleep in bed. He doesn’t say a whole lot in the movie just kind of lets everything happen around him. During one scene in the movie he and his father Jack are eating cereal at 11:30 pm and the father leaves for a moment coming back to find Nat sitting on the floor unconscious covered in blood. After washing Nat up he doesn’t see any cuts or source of the blood so he just kind of puts Nat to bed in his own room. If I ever found my kid unconscious and covered in any blood whether his or something else’s I would seek professional help. Not just wash him up and put him to bed.
Later after guarding Nat all night with a baseball bat against the evil alarm clock, Jack goes off to work leaving him with his nanny who keeps reading him a book about deaths dealing with the number 11. We also see that Nat’s mom Melissa is trying not to be drugged by her nurse but is slapped hard (in probably the best acting in the movie) and then given her shot. Along his way to work he passes the parked van with several of the minor characters Jack and the family have encountered talking about Nat and wondering if the nanny has what it takes.
Upon getting home from work he finds Nat again standing at his wife’s bed, upon telling him to leave the room Nat just stabs his mom and walks out.That night Jack goes to check on Nat and finds his son is covered in either bruises or scratches (was hard to see in the lighting) and calls 911 (9+1+1=11) for the second time that day. Annie is taken by police from the home for questioning and is asked by the cop where she came from as he knows everyone in town and has no idea who she is. The cop is then attacked by wasps inside the car which wrecks. Annie simply walks out of the wreck and the car explodes. Even though they appear to have been driving for a while, the family still hears the explosion and when Melissa tries to check on her son is again attacked by the nurse.
While this is going on the crazy lady next door chokes out Nat in his bedroom while the group in the van performs a bloodletting ritual to Satan.While the ritual is going on Melissa escapes her nurse, cat lady drags Nat to her house and Jack is nowhere to be seen, until he just kind of shows up sees his son’s room is empty and then runs to the shed that separates his house from the crazy cat lady. The cat lady is performing an exorcism on Nat saying the town is the gate way to hell and his son is the key. That every thousand years Satan escapes hell and we must kill him. She starts spouting all the weird biblical prophecies regarding 11 and is then killed by Jack. I would probably kill her too for kidnapping my son and all but I would have listened to her a little if he just stabbed my wife.
Jack rushes Nat back into the house and goes to check on Melissa who isn’t there; he goes to the nurse accidently knocking her out of the window killing her. He then finds Melissa in the bathtub full of water with Nat watching her holding a hairdryer which he then drops in. Jack is then incapacitated by the Nanny and when he comes to finds his living room has been overrun by Satanists awaiting 11:11 to hit which is only 3 minutes away. Jack takes out the entire room with a can of wasp spray (yeah…bare with me it is almost over) and takes him back to the wood shed.
Nat then pulls a Linda Blair and starts floating in mid-air. Doing the only thing a father can do when his son is about to become Satan he stabs his son in the heart killing him. In a room full of Satanists that disappear the moment Nat dies. He carries his body back to his wife’s body and is arrested by what looks like the same cop who died in the earlier explosion which makes you wonder if either Jack had gone insane or he was the only guy who could fit in the police uniform.We are also teased that a child inside Melissa is moving around, please don’t tease any sequels I can’t take it.
There are a few good death scenes in the movie which include impalement on a white picket fence, a hit and run that puts Final Destination to shame and a random act of violence involving both a shovel and baseball bat. Those are about the only good redeeming qualities of this movie. I realize I’m only a movie critic and have no idea what goes into the actual writing of a movie, casting, directing, producing and everything else but I don’t think the people that made this know either. No big name stars but a big budget flick doesn’t make any sense. I wonder if someone sold their soul to Satan to get this made. Quick let’s kill the DVD before anyone else gets hurt.
I should point out that this isn’t 11-11-11 which came out on the same day. Yes there are two movies with the same title, with different punctuation marks released on the same day and yes they both suck.The main plot of 11/11/11 focuses on a family that just moved into a new house where everyone in town seems to be very interested in the son who is due to turn eleven years old on 11/11/11.
This movie literally has every cliché possible when it comes to neighbors and main characters. It has the creepy cat lady, a group of people determined to stop anyone from warning the family, the psychotic nanny named Annie who helps the son, burn butterflies, a doped up mother who has visions and father who is only protective when it doesn’t really require him to do anything. It’s a weird flick that you are not really sure whose side anyone is on. The only thing that is for sure for the majority of the flick is the next door neighbor is trying to kill the boy before his eleventh birthday and there is a large group of people who are set against anyone that tries to get in the way.
The son Nat is getting creepier and creepier throughout the movie starting with burning a butterfly (with the aid of his nanny) then every night at 11:11 watching his parents sleep in bed. He doesn’t say a whole lot in the movie just kind of lets everything happen around him. During one scene in the movie he and his father Jack are eating cereal at 11:30 pm and the father leaves for a moment coming back to find Nat sitting on the floor unconscious covered in blood. After washing Nat up he doesn’t see any cuts or source of the blood so he just kind of puts Nat to bed in his own room. If I ever found my kid unconscious and covered in any blood whether his or something else’s I would seek professional help. Not just wash him up and put him to bed.
Later after guarding Nat all night with a baseball bat against the evil alarm clock, Jack goes off to work leaving him with his nanny who keeps reading him a book about deaths dealing with the number 11. We also see that Nat’s mom Melissa is trying not to be drugged by her nurse but is slapped hard (in probably the best acting in the movie) and then given her shot. Along his way to work he passes the parked van with several of the minor characters Jack and the family have encountered talking about Nat and wondering if the nanny has what it takes.
Upon getting home from work he finds Nat again standing at his wife’s bed, upon telling him to leave the room Nat just stabs his mom and walks out.That night Jack goes to check on Nat and finds his son is covered in either bruises or scratches (was hard to see in the lighting) and calls 911 (9+1+1=11) for the second time that day. Annie is taken by police from the home for questioning and is asked by the cop where she came from as he knows everyone in town and has no idea who she is. The cop is then attacked by wasps inside the car which wrecks. Annie simply walks out of the wreck and the car explodes. Even though they appear to have been driving for a while, the family still hears the explosion and when Melissa tries to check on her son is again attacked by the nurse.
While this is going on the crazy lady next door chokes out Nat in his bedroom while the group in the van performs a bloodletting ritual to Satan.While the ritual is going on Melissa escapes her nurse, cat lady drags Nat to her house and Jack is nowhere to be seen, until he just kind of shows up sees his son’s room is empty and then runs to the shed that separates his house from the crazy cat lady. The cat lady is performing an exorcism on Nat saying the town is the gate way to hell and his son is the key. That every thousand years Satan escapes hell and we must kill him. She starts spouting all the weird biblical prophecies regarding 11 and is then killed by Jack. I would probably kill her too for kidnapping my son and all but I would have listened to her a little if he just stabbed my wife.
Jack rushes Nat back into the house and goes to check on Melissa who isn’t there; he goes to the nurse accidently knocking her out of the window killing her. He then finds Melissa in the bathtub full of water with Nat watching her holding a hairdryer which he then drops in. Jack is then incapacitated by the Nanny and when he comes to finds his living room has been overrun by Satanists awaiting 11:11 to hit which is only 3 minutes away. Jack takes out the entire room with a can of wasp spray (yeah…bare with me it is almost over) and takes him back to the wood shed.
Nat then pulls a Linda Blair and starts floating in mid-air. Doing the only thing a father can do when his son is about to become Satan he stabs his son in the heart killing him. In a room full of Satanists that disappear the moment Nat dies. He carries his body back to his wife’s body and is arrested by what looks like the same cop who died in the earlier explosion which makes you wonder if either Jack had gone insane or he was the only guy who could fit in the police uniform.We are also teased that a child inside Melissa is moving around, please don’t tease any sequels I can’t take it.
There are a few good death scenes in the movie which include impalement on a white picket fence, a hit and run that puts Final Destination to shame and a random act of violence involving both a shovel and baseball bat. Those are about the only good redeeming qualities of this movie. I realize I’m only a movie critic and have no idea what goes into the actual writing of a movie, casting, directing, producing and everything else but I don’t think the people that made this know either. No big name stars but a big budget flick doesn’t make any sense. I wonder if someone sold their soul to Satan to get this made. Quick let’s kill the DVD before anyone else gets hurt.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Psycho98
Psycho (1998) – Brian McNail
Can someone please explain to me why Vince Vaughn has not been in more horror
movies? Vince Vaughn missed his true calling in Hollywood by going the comedy route; he is a natural psycho which I guess is how he probably got the title role for the 1998 remake of the
Hitchcock’s classic Psycho. Unfortunately for Vaughn outside of an incredible performance by William H. Macy there really isn’t any other comparison to the original flick.
Anne Heche has a forgettable role of Marion Crane an executive assistant who
embezzles a large sum of cash to help her loser boyfriend Sam (Viggo Mortenson)
get out of some trouble. What exactly that trouble was I have no Earthly idea because unless it is mentioned in the 4 minute scene in which we not only see Sam’s ass for no reason but a noticeable “tramp stamp” on Sam as well. Anyways we see Marion steal the money and then get into her car and start driving from Phoenix. Eventually the long drive has
caught up with her and she needs some sleep and in a movie with one of the most
famous hotels in horror she of course sleeps in the car.
The next morning she awoken by a cop who checks her license and then follows her for the next 10 minutes including her trading in her car for another one. Then the cop is never heard from
again, the only reason she bought the car was to evade the cop but even though he sees her in the new car he never follows her again. Maybe he was in love with the old car? It is never explained and if the filmmakers don’t care, why should I?
Thirty-Three minutes into the flick we finally get to the Bates Motel and meet Norman Bates. While Vaughn is no where even close to the original version of Bates he does an incredible job, so much so I actually keep watching the movie and don’t start drinking heavy booze. Whereas Anthony Perkins played the character as a straight laced mama’s boy, Vaughn reminds me
of a Saturday Night Live spoof of Forrest Gump with a little sprinkle of Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade.
About 48 minutes into this movie is the first kill which is a shot by shot recreation of the original shower scene from the original Psycho, except where Janet Leigh and just about every spoof of it since has done a wonderful job of showing fear and the pain the character was feeling Anne Heche just kind of stands there and screams and then awkwardly falls over showing her ass to the camera. I literally felt nothing about the death of Crane other than perhaps a little bit of happiness that I wouldn’t have to endure anymore screen time of Heche.
The next characters entering the movie are William H. Macy as Milton Arbogast a private investigator hired by the client Crane embezzled from, and her sister Lila Crane played by Julianne Moore. Not much to say other than Arbogast puts all the puzzle pieces on the table and
makes a phone call before going back to the Bates Motel to interview Norman’s mother in which he gets an ax to the forehead.
His disappearance leads to Sam and Lila traveling to the Bates Motel to do some undercover work, we also learn from the local chief of police that Norman’s mother has been dead for a long time in the only case of Murder/Suicide the county has ever known.
Much like the Scooby Gang, Sam and Lila split up with Sam keeping Norman busy while Lila goes into the house to find Norman’s mother. Sam eats a golf club to the back of the head and rushes to check on his mother. Lila finds the corpse of Ms. Bates and is attacked by Norman in drag finally getting knocked out by Sam who recovers from a crushing skull blow with
a 9 iron just in the nick of time. Norman is locked in a mental ward at the county jail and Marion’s car is dragged out of the swamp with the characters wondering what happened to all the
money.
Okay now that the plot is out of the way, this movie does a great job of retelling the story of Psycho almost to the point that you wonder why they bothered with remaking the movie. Almost
everyone that knows anything about horror knows Norman Bates dressed up as his mother and killed people. Hell that’s where the switch in the original Friday the 13th came into play with
the mother acting like the son. This movie just kept plugging right away with the notion that Norman really does have a controlling mother that is killing everyone, even going as far as to
have the characters hear his mother berate him.
Norman is creepy and I’m not 100% sure but I think they implied when he is watching Heche prepare for her shower masturbating but I could be wrong it is just a weird kind of gesture Vaughn makes when he backs up from the peephole. I can’t really suggest anyone watch this flick, I just can’t. It is almost word for word, shot for shot like the original and if you’re going to watch it you might as well watch the original one. Unlike all of the other remakes that get made that change stuff for good or worse at least it’s a different interpretation. There
isn’t any of that. At least Psycho II in the 80s continued the story on which is what really this should have done. Or perhaps it could have gone the Friday the 13th remake route and acknowledged the original and then made its own movie of it. I’d have liked to see
what happened to more of the guests from the Bates Motel or at least found out
what the cop’s deal was.
The Remake of Psycho gets Nailed with a 2 out of 5.
Can someone please explain to me why Vince Vaughn has not been in more horror
movies? Vince Vaughn missed his true calling in Hollywood by going the comedy route; he is a natural psycho which I guess is how he probably got the title role for the 1998 remake of the
Hitchcock’s classic Psycho. Unfortunately for Vaughn outside of an incredible performance by William H. Macy there really isn’t any other comparison to the original flick.
Anne Heche has a forgettable role of Marion Crane an executive assistant who
embezzles a large sum of cash to help her loser boyfriend Sam (Viggo Mortenson)
get out of some trouble. What exactly that trouble was I have no Earthly idea because unless it is mentioned in the 4 minute scene in which we not only see Sam’s ass for no reason but a noticeable “tramp stamp” on Sam as well. Anyways we see Marion steal the money and then get into her car and start driving from Phoenix. Eventually the long drive has
caught up with her and she needs some sleep and in a movie with one of the most
famous hotels in horror she of course sleeps in the car.
The next morning she awoken by a cop who checks her license and then follows her for the next 10 minutes including her trading in her car for another one. Then the cop is never heard from
again, the only reason she bought the car was to evade the cop but even though he sees her in the new car he never follows her again. Maybe he was in love with the old car? It is never explained and if the filmmakers don’t care, why should I?
Thirty-Three minutes into the flick we finally get to the Bates Motel and meet Norman Bates. While Vaughn is no where even close to the original version of Bates he does an incredible job, so much so I actually keep watching the movie and don’t start drinking heavy booze. Whereas Anthony Perkins played the character as a straight laced mama’s boy, Vaughn reminds me
of a Saturday Night Live spoof of Forrest Gump with a little sprinkle of Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade.
About 48 minutes into this movie is the first kill which is a shot by shot recreation of the original shower scene from the original Psycho, except where Janet Leigh and just about every spoof of it since has done a wonderful job of showing fear and the pain the character was feeling Anne Heche just kind of stands there and screams and then awkwardly falls over showing her ass to the camera. I literally felt nothing about the death of Crane other than perhaps a little bit of happiness that I wouldn’t have to endure anymore screen time of Heche.
The next characters entering the movie are William H. Macy as Milton Arbogast a private investigator hired by the client Crane embezzled from, and her sister Lila Crane played by Julianne Moore. Not much to say other than Arbogast puts all the puzzle pieces on the table and
makes a phone call before going back to the Bates Motel to interview Norman’s mother in which he gets an ax to the forehead.
His disappearance leads to Sam and Lila traveling to the Bates Motel to do some undercover work, we also learn from the local chief of police that Norman’s mother has been dead for a long time in the only case of Murder/Suicide the county has ever known.
Much like the Scooby Gang, Sam and Lila split up with Sam keeping Norman busy while Lila goes into the house to find Norman’s mother. Sam eats a golf club to the back of the head and rushes to check on his mother. Lila finds the corpse of Ms. Bates and is attacked by Norman in drag finally getting knocked out by Sam who recovers from a crushing skull blow with
a 9 iron just in the nick of time. Norman is locked in a mental ward at the county jail and Marion’s car is dragged out of the swamp with the characters wondering what happened to all the
money.
Okay now that the plot is out of the way, this movie does a great job of retelling the story of Psycho almost to the point that you wonder why they bothered with remaking the movie. Almost
everyone that knows anything about horror knows Norman Bates dressed up as his mother and killed people. Hell that’s where the switch in the original Friday the 13th came into play with
the mother acting like the son. This movie just kept plugging right away with the notion that Norman really does have a controlling mother that is killing everyone, even going as far as to
have the characters hear his mother berate him.
Norman is creepy and I’m not 100% sure but I think they implied when he is watching Heche prepare for her shower masturbating but I could be wrong it is just a weird kind of gesture Vaughn makes when he backs up from the peephole. I can’t really suggest anyone watch this flick, I just can’t. It is almost word for word, shot for shot like the original and if you’re going to watch it you might as well watch the original one. Unlike all of the other remakes that get made that change stuff for good or worse at least it’s a different interpretation. There
isn’t any of that. At least Psycho II in the 80s continued the story on which is what really this should have done. Or perhaps it could have gone the Friday the 13th remake route and acknowledged the original and then made its own movie of it. I’d have liked to see
what happened to more of the guests from the Bates Motel or at least found out
what the cop’s deal was.
The Remake of Psycho gets Nailed with a 2 out of 5.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Live Psycho (remake) Blog aka Nailing Vince Vaughn (no homo)
Going to try something new (for me) going to live blog my reactions to the remake of the 1998 remake of Hitchcock's Psycho. Below is my take of the flick.
If you've never read one of my horror reveiws before at BrutalasHell.com or the deceased and deleted Southern Fried Horror (here on blogspot) I might as well warn you I get a little vocal about a lot of things.I am also in the minority of "all remakes suck" as sometimes (rarely) the remake is better than the original. The Thing & My Bloody Valentine are great examples (fuck you its my blog).
Below are the tweets as they come to me from my twitter account @WrestleZombie. Also as I'm hitting play I'm opening the first of probably many Pabst Blue Ribbons and if need be I have Captain Morgan on standby.
Indeed I am ready for anything this movie can dish out.
Hiting play on #Psycho now. May the #PBR be with me.
-10 cool points from #Psycho all movies should have the #Horsebird logo, even if they are not Tristar Movies.
Digging the opening credits for #Psycho. Movies need good opening music and credits.
12/11/98 I was in high school and couldn't see this movie I wasn't 17 yet and our theater was strict. #Psycho Factoid
Why is there a naked guy (complete with ass shot) and no naked Anne Hesch (yet?)? #Psycho
Had to go back and look but Viggo Mortensen has a trampstamp in #Pscyho.
Anne Hesch is asleep at the wheel. Never a good sign. She should check into a motel or something #Psycho foreshadowing
think they need to make a movie about the Highway Patrol Officer from #Psycho.
33 Minutes in and we finally get to the Bates Motel. #Psycho
34 minutes in and I'm on my second @PabstBlueRibbon #Psycho is as #Pyscho does.
Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates in #Psycho reminds me of Forrest Gump. Except he stabs Jenny in this.
"I like to stuff things' #Pyscho Um....okay
Its hard to believe that Vince Vaghn hasn't done more roles like Norman Bates. He almost has it better than the Original. #Pyscho
We all go a little mad sometimes...#psycho
@VinceVaughn1 Even after 14 years your role in #Pyscho is still awesome.
@ the Shower scene in #Pyscho (98) and it is completely ruined by Anne Hesch even her ass shot looks forced.
Okay so Hesche is dead at the 57 minute mark and there is 40 minutes to go. Thank God for William H Macy #Psycho
There is always a vacancy at the Bates Motel. #Psycho
If it ain't Gel it ain't Jello #Psycho
William H Macy has bit the dust. #Psycho
Third can of #PBR is gone, #Psycho is horrible.
Even though you know that Norman Bates is the Killer at least the remake keeps it hidden. #Psycho
Is this thing over yet? #Psycho
Thank you for explaining #Psycho to us.....a big Duh Moment.
Best part of #Psycho 1998? Other than @VinceVaughn1 is the credits.
Wow. Lets see confirmed body count 4 deaths (2 on screen, 2 mentioned). 4 Dead Pabst Blue Ribbons and 1 hour and 41 minutes of wanting to rethink my idea of doing this. Cant say this was any good. Vince Vaughn was excellant as Norman Bates not as good as the original but Anthony Perkins nailed it to begin with not much you can go beyond.
This was just a BORING movie and I don't see a lot of redeeming qualities. Nothing was changed from the original flick but the original flick had two things on its side. The time it was made this was legit horror as nobody was making movies like this and the fact that everyone knows Bates is the killer and his mom is a corpse. Its kind of like watching Friday the 13th and not knowing its Jason's mom doing the killing. Unless you've never seen a horror movie or you've lived under a rock there is just no getting around the movie is spoiled from the get go.
Also I really didn't need to see Viggo's Tramp Stamp.
You've Just Got Nailed and I'm Going To Get Hammered.
Friday, February 10, 2012
I Hate 2/11
Strange date to hate right?
Such a stupid day, a day that I'll never be able to forget as long as I live. I will always remember where I was on that day.
Going to go way back to 2005. A day that got worse and worse as it went on.
Woke up late that day for work. Drove through Washington DC traffic or should I say I sat on the freeway for two and a half hours to drive a total of 4 miles because there was an accident on the OTHER side of the freeway. Normal crappy day at work that I cannot talk about due to clearance issues. A 4 hour 4 mile drive home because you guessed it traffic. Got home and found my ex-wife sitting in her normal spot (that being her ass) no supper ready, her kids god knows where and puppy shit all over the floor because well it was easier for me to clean it up then taking the dog outside.
So yeah after an 8 hour work shift, and 6 hours of driving I get home and have to do laundry and cook supper (and pick up dog mess). But hey at least it was Friday. Started cooking supper and decided to give the puppy a treat, got her a snausage and the dog choked to death. Dog had been alive 8 weeks and just dies on the middle of the kitchen floor. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to tell my step-kids their puppy (Christmas present) is dead. I did the one thing I knew to do I called my dad and asked for guidance.
Flash foward to a couple of hours and my "sister" came over to help us toast one to the dog. Then the phone rang, it was my dad. I found out at 8 pm on 2/11/2005 that my older brother Robert had been killed in Iraq. My world ended that day for a long time, I didn't care about anyone or anything because quite frankly why should I have. I can't tell you much about the coming days and weeks all I remember is a sense of dread and depression. I drank a lot, and I mean it A LOT. I went from drinking a 12 pack on a weekend to a 12 pack a day then started adding harder liquor on a daily basis.
I hate the Eleventh of February, always have always will.
Such a stupid day, a day that I'll never be able to forget as long as I live. I will always remember where I was on that day.
Going to go way back to 2005. A day that got worse and worse as it went on.
Woke up late that day for work. Drove through Washington DC traffic or should I say I sat on the freeway for two and a half hours to drive a total of 4 miles because there was an accident on the OTHER side of the freeway. Normal crappy day at work that I cannot talk about due to clearance issues. A 4 hour 4 mile drive home because you guessed it traffic. Got home and found my ex-wife sitting in her normal spot (that being her ass) no supper ready, her kids god knows where and puppy shit all over the floor because well it was easier for me to clean it up then taking the dog outside.
So yeah after an 8 hour work shift, and 6 hours of driving I get home and have to do laundry and cook supper (and pick up dog mess). But hey at least it was Friday. Started cooking supper and decided to give the puppy a treat, got her a snausage and the dog choked to death. Dog had been alive 8 weeks and just dies on the middle of the kitchen floor. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to tell my step-kids their puppy (Christmas present) is dead. I did the one thing I knew to do I called my dad and asked for guidance.
Flash foward to a couple of hours and my "sister" came over to help us toast one to the dog. Then the phone rang, it was my dad. I found out at 8 pm on 2/11/2005 that my older brother Robert had been killed in Iraq. My world ended that day for a long time, I didn't care about anyone or anything because quite frankly why should I have. I can't tell you much about the coming days and weeks all I remember is a sense of dread and depression. I drank a lot, and I mean it A LOT. I went from drinking a 12 pack on a weekend to a 12 pack a day then started adding harder liquor on a daily basis.
I hate the Eleventh of February, always have always will.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Post Superbowl Betting, Epic Facebook Posts Recently
As I pointed out on the first blog a whole twenty minutes ago I am like 75% of the Earth's population on Facebook.....a lot. (http://www.facebook.com/bmcnail)
Most evenings I get home from work around midnight and after snacking on something I log on to Facebook where with the ONE change that they have made to the programming that I like I sit with 3-7 friends in the chat screen and just relax and talk about absolutely nothing. I compared it earlier this evening to a local pub. You don't really know the guys in the pub, but for those couple of hours you're in there you're the oldest of friends.
Its weird I've never been much of a sports better, having always to bet on stuff I at least have a chance to influence the outcome myself such as cards or something like the lottery ( I do pick my own numbers). But like many Americans I bet on the Superbowl, just with my friends from Facebook. Instead of putting up cash to guys I've never met because really money can ruin friendship faster than anything, we decided to put up something more valuable our beloved Facebook Pictures.
I convinced three friends to all take the Patriots over the Giants in exchange that they would each get to pick my photo for a week (total of three weeks) agaisnt me picking their photos for a week if the Giants won. Needless to say I've had a pretty good week laughing my butt off at my "E-Friends" real friends wondering why they have such rediculous photos up. Its always nice to make a grown man have the following for their photos:
Its weird I've never been much of a sports better, having always to bet on stuff I at least have a chance to influence the outcome myself such as cards or something like the lottery ( I do pick my own numbers). But like many Americans I bet on the Superbowl, just with my friends from Facebook. Instead of putting up cash to guys I've never met because really money can ruin friendship faster than anything, we decided to put up something more valuable our beloved Facebook Pictures.
I convinced three friends to all take the Patriots over the Giants in exchange that they would each get to pick my photo for a week (total of three weeks) agaisnt me picking their photos for a week if the Giants won. Needless to say I've had a pretty good week laughing my butt off at my "E-Friends" real friends wondering why they have such rediculous photos up. Its always nice to make a grown man have the following for their photos:
This would be the awesome Kenneth's Tinkerbell Photo which I think he is planning on keeping up even though the bet was only for a week.
Yes even though Channing Tatum has a restraining order against Steak Sauce (who names their kid that anyways?) he gets to see him everytime he logs on. Just still stay 150 feet from the real live actor though would ya pal?
And last but not least "Big Rudy" wanted to cry like a baby at the thought of having a giant turd as a photo, so he got what he deserved:
Although I thought I'd pick a picture he was actually in.
Though in all seriousness these guys have indured a lot of ridicule and have taken their punishment well. With March Madness looming in the not to distant future there will be more stupidity to come.
Though in all seriousness these guys have indured a lot of ridicule and have taken their punishment well. With March Madness looming in the not to distant future there will be more stupidity to come.
Speaking of stupidity, as "post of the night" I submit the following:
Brian: Just pull a Danny Doring and be like I'd like to rub my penis nearby while you get stiches from a large black man hitting you in the head with a steel chair.
Aaron: Brian, I just want some casual... That's a proposal.
Yes, Yes, this is what I do with my freetime.
You've Just Been Nailed.
Aaron: Brian, I just want some casual... That's a proposal.
Yes, Yes, this is what I do with my freetime.
You've Just Been Nailed.
So You Want To Get Nailed Eh?
First and foremost welcome. Thanks for stopping by. I welcome all feedback and comments.
Not sure what this blog is going to end up being whether its a daily blog about whats going on, a weekly recap or a hybrid of the two. If this is anything like my Facebook account its probably going to be humorous and probably weird. Oh should clarify humorous to me and my select group of friends on Facebook. I mean we were the creators of such epic 300+ comment posts about the Tristar Mascot from the 80s known as "Horse Bird" (he has two Facebook pages by the way).
To tell a little about me I'm a weird guy. I was 29 years old before I tried Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and the only reason I did that was a guy I met on Facebook talked about it constantly. I couldn't find it locally so I started a quest to find PBR, I ended up finding a case of it at a Walmart 45 miles from my house. Was an epic day to open it (after I let it sit for a couple hours to get cold) and drink my first sip, I've been hooked ever since. Like I said I'm a weird guy. I think I've got more friends online than I do in my everyday life. Sure I have friends that I see in church or talk to in passing at work but no where near the epic levels I do with my "facebook friends". I've probably logged more hours talking bogus and ridiculous crap with them than I have with members of my own family in the past decade. Though I am the weird blacksheep who is "dead" to several of my relatives so I guess its okay not to talk to them.
I do have a great home life though. I've got an awesome wife who is literally my rock, I wouldn't be a quarter of the person I am today without her. If ever there was a true saint on this planet it would be her. I've got a three year old son who is definitely into the Terrible Threes. Its nice to be able to have a close knit family that does things together. Both my wife and I are military brats who didn't get a lot of "all together time" growing up so its nice to be able to sit down as a family for supper or watch a kid DVD for the 1000Th time. We've learned with our hectic schedules and all that the most important thing isn't to "find the time" but to "make the time". Still I hope my kid is only half as weird as I am.
Like I said I don't know if I'm going to be posting on "schedule" or anything. If something inspires me to write I will but unlike my previous failed blogs I don't plan on setting up a goal or crazy idea to post every time I watch a flick.
If you get a chance check out my friend Aaron Goins JR's blog: http://aarongoinsnation.blogspot.com/
It is well worth the read if you're into crazy chicks, wrestling, ninjas or guys who like to refer to themselves as "Big Rudy".
You've Just Been Nailed.
Not sure what this blog is going to end up being whether its a daily blog about whats going on, a weekly recap or a hybrid of the two. If this is anything like my Facebook account its probably going to be humorous and probably weird. Oh should clarify humorous to me and my select group of friends on Facebook. I mean we were the creators of such epic 300+ comment posts about the Tristar Mascot from the 80s known as "Horse Bird" (he has two Facebook pages by the way).
To tell a little about me I'm a weird guy. I was 29 years old before I tried Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and the only reason I did that was a guy I met on Facebook talked about it constantly. I couldn't find it locally so I started a quest to find PBR, I ended up finding a case of it at a Walmart 45 miles from my house. Was an epic day to open it (after I let it sit for a couple hours to get cold) and drink my first sip, I've been hooked ever since. Like I said I'm a weird guy. I think I've got more friends online than I do in my everyday life. Sure I have friends that I see in church or talk to in passing at work but no where near the epic levels I do with my "facebook friends". I've probably logged more hours talking bogus and ridiculous crap with them than I have with members of my own family in the past decade. Though I am the weird blacksheep who is "dead" to several of my relatives so I guess its okay not to talk to them.
I do have a great home life though. I've got an awesome wife who is literally my rock, I wouldn't be a quarter of the person I am today without her. If ever there was a true saint on this planet it would be her. I've got a three year old son who is definitely into the Terrible Threes. Its nice to be able to have a close knit family that does things together. Both my wife and I are military brats who didn't get a lot of "all together time" growing up so its nice to be able to sit down as a family for supper or watch a kid DVD for the 1000Th time. We've learned with our hectic schedules and all that the most important thing isn't to "find the time" but to "make the time". Still I hope my kid is only half as weird as I am.
Like I said I don't know if I'm going to be posting on "schedule" or anything. If something inspires me to write I will but unlike my previous failed blogs I don't plan on setting up a goal or crazy idea to post every time I watch a flick.
If you get a chance check out my friend Aaron Goins JR's blog: http://aarongoinsnation.blogspot.com/
It is well worth the read if you're into crazy chicks, wrestling, ninjas or guys who like to refer to themselves as "Big Rudy".
You've Just Been Nailed.
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